This Life
by wishfulthinking0514
Summary: Happy's sister comes back to town, not exactly under the best circumstances. Can a recovering addict really expect to fix her own life? Let alone become apart of someone else's, especially the complicated life of Jax Teller. Will she win his heart or will she crash and burn hurting everyone along with her?
1. Chapter 1 - Black

**This Life**

It was all black. One second I was there, and one second I wasn't. There was no white light, no tunnel. It was just black. 

The next thing I know I breathe again, I feel the freezing cold droplets of water against my skin, and I scream. Feeling arms around my waist, pulling me backwards. 

When I finally open my eyes, I am face to face with my friend and dealer Marcus, fear in his eyes as I am yelling at him to let me go. I realize nobody was touching me, and all of a sudden the feeling around my waist is gone. 

I stand up and step out of the shower, soaking wet with all my clothes still on, and I shiver from the cold. Marcus wraps a towel and his arm around me. "Are you okay?" He asks looking me up and down, checking every inch of me for damage, like I'm about to collapse. 

"What happened?" I ask, trying to recollect the past 10 minutes. "You went blue, Harper, I didn't know what to do, I..I just carried you to the shower and turned the cold water on, and you came back, your lips were fucking blue Harper, you weren't breathing.." Marcus said looking at me with this guilt in his eyes. Like this was his fault or something. 

I just handed him back the towel and walked into my room in the run down trailer I live in, I stripped off the soaking wet clothes and changed into fresh ones. 

As I'm shrugging on my jeans, I walk back out into the kitchen where I see Marcus sitting at the table, holding a lighter up to the bottom of his spoon, cooking up some dope. I take a seat next to him. "Well, that killed my high, let me get another" I said and met his eyes with a look that was just as soulless as I felt. 

My name is Harper Lowman, and I'm a heroin addict.

* * *

"Ah shit" Happy said as he snapped his phone shut.

"What's up, brother?" Clay said taking a seat across from Happy at the picnic table outside of the club house.

"It's my sister, Harper. My mother just called, Harper overdosed again last night, and she's ended up in the hospital this time, man. I just don't know what to do... She's been to rehab, I've tried to snap her out of it myself. She's going to kill herself." Happy said hanging his head down low. Worry in his heart about his baby sister.

"I think she's due for some club therapy, my brother. We can take her up to the cabin, strap her down tight, we will help you Hap, we will get your sister together, you are family, and that means she is too. It's what I'd do for my own daughter. I'll talk to Gemma today." Clay said with a stern look in his eye.

Happy reflected that look, and nodded. They both stood up and shared a hug.

* * *

I wake up to beeping, and bright lights, squinting my vision straightens out, and I make out the face of my older brother, who looks pissed, arms crossed, sitting in a chair next to my hospital bed. I sigh. "Shit, don't look at me like that Hap."

"Harper, what the fuck? I just... I can't do this anymore, I can't watch you die anymore." He says solemnly.

Frustrated, I roll my eyes. "What I do with my life is none of your business Happy, it doesn't affect you in anyway." I sit up. "Now why don't you just run back to your perfectly innocent life, and stop judging me" My voice dripped with sarcasm.

I didn't want to hurt Happy or anyone's feelings, I just wanted to be left alone. But no one understood that.

"That's it, I really didn't want it to come down to this I truly didn't. But I will do what I have too. I fucking love you Harper, just remember that." His raspy voice bouncing off the plain white walls, not even making eye contact with me as he stood up and walked out of the door.

I literally sat there and twiddled my thumbs; nerves. Where did he go? What is he going to do? I felt like a child, waiting in time out for their punishment.

It feels like hours go by before Happy walks back in, but it was only a few minutes. The repressed emotions piling out of me, not thinking he was coming back.

I sigh in relief, tears starting to fill my eyes, as I start to feel the sickness take over. I try to pull myself together, "Happy, I'm sorry, I don't want to lose you you are all I have left in this world... I'll do whatever you want... Help me Hap. I don't want to be this person anymore."

I wasn't even sure if I meant the words coming out of my mouth. But I knew I needed my brother. The loneliness I felt was starting to sink in over the weeks.

"I'm going to hold you to that. Try to sleep, I'll be here in the morning" He said, and then he walked out of the door, shutting it behind him and I rolled over, shutting my eyes tight, praying for sleep to take over, but I knew it wouldn't.

I felt the sweat start down my forehead, but pulled the blankets up tight, shivering. I pushed hard on the nurse button on the side of the bed. Fuck, this is going to be a long night.


	2. Chapter 2 - Introductions

**This Life – 02**

I woke up to the sound of the door in my hospital room closing. Blinking awake I see my doctor holding a clipboard walking over to me. A blonde haired, brown-eyed, middle-aged, I have my shit together woman.

"We're discharging you, and your brother and his, uh, friends are here to take you home. I just need you to sign this paper." She stated with a look that said 'see you again soon'.

"Whatever you say, doc" I said with a raspy voice, barely above a whisper, grabbing the clipboard and pen out of her hands, scribbling my signature. Handing it back, the doctor said "The nurse will be in a minute to take out your IV and get your clothes for you" Then she walked out of the door, perfect blonde curls swinging. Bitch. I rolled my eyes.

I quickly evaluated my appearance, as I grabbed a compact mirror out of my purse on the chair next to my bed. My long black hair was in a greasy bun on top of my head, my once bright green eyes seemed dull, and the dark circles under them seemed to swallow them whole. I looked like shit. I sighed self-consciously as I put the mirror back in my purse afraid to look at myself anymore.

The nurse came in took out my IV, bandaged me up and handed me my clothes without even looking at me, or saying a word. I couldn't wait to get out of this judgmental hell hole. I knew what they were all thinking, 'she would've had such a future, but she chose drugs instead, junkie. Probably just trying to get pain killers.'

I quickly got out of bed, and put on the clothes I came in, a simple pair of washed up blue jeans and a two sizes too small white t-shirt. Great, now I'm a junkie and a slut. A junkie slut. I took a deep breath, feeling like absolute garbage.

I sat back down on my hospital bed, feeling light heady and dizzy. Wiping my nose, I started to plot my escape from whatever Happy had planned, I needed drugs. I needed to get high before this sickness was the end of me. But could I let him down? Betray him once more? Would I even get the chance too with whatever lock down he was putting me on?

I let out another deep, frustrated sigh as I slipped on my sneakers, and just in time too, as Happy and two guys walked in, all wearing the same kutte.

Oh, Sons of Anarchy. This "Motorcycle Club" my brother was a part of. This club I knew absolutely nothing about. Happy never talked about it, when I asked how he got his money he would just state "club business", whatever that meant. I couldn't wait to see what "treatment plan" they had in store for me.

I looked over these two men as they walked across the room towards me. One of them had shaggy blonde red hair, he had a pretty scrawny figure. I notice his kutte only said "Prospect" on it.

The other man was well, absolutely beautiful. I felt my cheeks flush as I looked at him, but it could also just be the sickness. His long dirty blonde hair barely touching his shoulders. He was walking with pride as I noticed his "Vice President" patch on his kutte. I felt his bright blue eyes pierce right through me with a look that stated this was clearly business.

I looked at my feet self-consciously as I stood up and grabbed my purse. "Harper this is Jax and Half Sack, they are members of the club and they are here to help me help you. Are you ready to go?" Hap said pointing to both men.

I nodded afraid of what my voice might sound like. So Jax was this beautiful man's name. Half Sack offered a friendly smile, that I didn't return, but I appreciated the attempt. Jax said nothing just stared at me with those blue eyes.

Happy wrapped his arm around me and we started to walk out of the room and down the hospital halls. The two men following closely.

I knew the only reason he had his arm around me was because he was afraid I was going to run. Which wasn't the stupidest thing in the world, because I had been contemplating it since they walked in the room.

"You will be riding with Gemma in her Roadster, we will be following close behind so don't try anything Harper or I swear to god…" Happy said with a furious look in his eyes. I just rolled my eyes and nodded and started walking towards the car before he could even finish his sentence. The three boys went to get on their bikes.

I opened the door to see a beautiful middle-aged women smoking a cigarette sitting in the driver's seat. She had dark hair with blonde highlights, and a body that could kill for a woman her age, her dark eyes shining as she said "Harper? Happy's sister right?" She was tough as nails, I could just tell by looking at her.

I cleared my throat as I took a seat, laying my purse at my feet, and closed the door. "That's me" My voice still sounding like I just woke up. "Name's Gemma" She said as she looked me over, looking to see if I was a threat or not. She started the car and pulled out of the hospital parking lot.

"Can I smoke in here?" I asked pulling out my pack of Camels and a lighter. "Of course" She said as she went to roll down the window a little for me. I took a cig out and stuck it in my mouth as I lit it. I took a nice long drag, as I laid back in the seat, finally feeling a little relaxed.

"So, uh, where are we going exactly?" I asked looking as the streets rolled by. "The cabin, to get you well." She said not taking her eyes off the road. I nodded, as I flicked the ash of my cig out the window.

The time in the car felt like a lifetime. Where was this "Cabin"? What exactly do they plan to do? I wiped the sweat off my forehead and wrapped my arms around myself. I felt my stomach start to turn. Starting to feel nauseous I laid back even more. Hoping to hold whatever was left in my stomach down.

The car ride was silent, me laying back trying not to puke everywhere, and Gemma just watching the road occasionally looking over with a look in her eye that obviously showed distrust.

Eventually we finally pulled down a long dirt lane and pulled up to the "Cabin". My brother and his friends close behind us. I quickly opened the door and got out and bent over spilling my insides out. I wiped my mouth, and took a deep breath. When I went back to stand up straight I saw Gemma handing me a napkin as she was just standing there holding my purse.

I took the napkin and blew my nose and wiped my mouth. I noticed the three boys standing at the door way. Jax didn't even look my way as he was speaking silently to Hap. I took my purse from Gemma as we walked up to the house. This should be fun. I thought as I rolled my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3 - Learn To Knock

**This Life – 03**

Gemma lead me to the room I will be staying in and left me alone with my thoughts. I sighed loudly as I heard the door lock from the outside and I set my purse down. Leaning my head down into my hands as I sat on this bed, I couldn't help but have my mind fill with questions.

How the hell did I end up in this place? Why couldn't I be strong, and deal with my problems like a normal person would? Why did I have to turn to drugs? How did occasional partying turn into a lifestyle? And why couldn't I get out of it?

I looked around this plain room, with nothing but a bed, a dresser and a bathroom attached, I noticed a bag on top of the dresser. I got up and zipped it open. Clothes, all my clothes. Well that's just great, someone's been through my trailer.

I decided to curl up on the bed and shower later. I had a bucket nearby if I felt the urge to vomit. I squeezed my eyes shut, and I felt tears start to fall. I wanted to go back in time, to those better days. The times before drugs.

I suddenly had a memory of being a kid, maybe 12 years old and my mother was holding me tight, running her hand over my hair, and my mother whispered softly in my ear that 'everything was going to be alright'. It was right after dad had left. I remember her scent and her loving touch, and I shortly drifted off into a deep sleep with a picture of my mothers face in my mind.

I woke up to the door being slammed open, Jax running in with his gun out pointing in every direction. I just laid there, eyes wide open with fear. "What happened? I heard screaming" Jax said, still scoping out the room.

I suddenly noticed I was shaking and drenched with sweat. "I-I'm sorry, I must have had a nightmare" I said as I slowly got up and out of bed. He looked at me like I was crazy for a minute. Then he suddenly put his gun away and walked out of the room, slamming the door shut.

I shook my head as I started walking into the bathroom, I grabbed a towel out from under the sink and started running the water as hot as it would get. I had to peel off my clothes. I felt absolutely disgusting, and smelt it too.

As soon as the water hit me, I felt instantly better. I felt out of breath and my legs felt like they would buckle at any time, but I felt better. I used the soap, shampoo and conditioner that were in the shower. I felt as if I was cleaning off my disease. Like when I stepped out of this shower, a new Harper would emerge.

I turned the water off, squeezed my hair dry and stepped out of the shower. I wiped the steam off the mirror and looked at myself for a good minute. I looked thin, almost sickly. I shook my head and wrapped the towel around myself.

As I walked into the bedroom, the door slammed open once more. I held the towel tight. "Jesus Christ! Can no one get any privacy anymore?!" I yelled. I finally looked up to see Jax standing there, just fucking standing there with a god damn smirk on his face, that was until he noticed the angry look on mine. Then the smirk dropped.

"Uh, sorry darlin'. I just wanted to apologize for earlier. I didn't mean to scare you before. I'll uh leave you be" And with one last smirk he was gone. Door shut and locked behind him. I rolled my eyes and rummaged through the bag, I picked out some underwear, a bra, a pair of ripped up blue jeans, and a black tank with a swoop neck line.

I walked up to the door. I stood for a second debating what I should do. I noticed the sun was low in the sky, and I suddenly wondered how long I had slept. I decided to knock. I knocked lightly, and paused, should I knock harder?

Then within a flash Half Sack opened the door. "What's up?" He asked. "I'm hungry" I wasn't. But I was hoping for an excuse to get out of this room, even for a minute. I hated feeling trapped. Which was pretty ironic I thought, seeing that I've been heroin's bitch for years. Trapped in her bullshit.

"Follow me" He said. He looked nervous. I guess he was afraid I was going to try to run out the door, Happy would kill him if I got away on his watch. I followed him down the hall, and he led me into the kitchen area. "Have a seat" He said pointing to the chair around a table where I saw Gemma sitting drinking a cup of coffee.

I took a seat. "Where's Happy?" I asked looking around this cabin for my big brother. "Him and Jax had club business to take care of" Gemma said. I nodded. "What do you want to eat? We got cereal..." Half Sack said standing beside me. But I cut him off quickly "That's fine, thank you".

He poured me a bowl and put it in front of me with a spoon. I started to take small bites hoping to stomach it. "Well you look a lot better than you did, feeling any better?" Gemma asked and I saw Half Sack walk into the other room.

"A lot better than I thought I would be feeling. How long was I out?" I asked her, shoveling as much cereal in as I could. "About a day and a half." She said looking up at me. "I got you a few things that might help" She continued. I looked up at her and I pushed my cereal away from me, not feeling like I could stomach another bite.

She reached down into her bag and pulled out a journal, a pen, a baggie full of rolled joints, and a couple of books. "I figure the books and journal would keep you busy, and the weed will probably make you feel a lot better" She said handing them over to me.

I immediately let out a big smile. "Thank you, I really do appreciate it Gemma" I set it all down on the table, and pulled a cig out of the pack in my back pocket and lit it up. She smiled back. "Happy is family to us, and that makes you family. If there's anything you need just ask. But you seem like a smart girl, you'll figure it out."

A few minutes went by in silence as Gemma drank her coffee and we both smoked our cigarettes. It was nice. We really didn't have anything to say and it was peaceful. Then I got up and went back into my room and closed the door. I laid back on the bed and lit up a joint.

A few hours went by. I had written in my journal. Just any thought that came to my mind, old memories, goals I hoped I'd keep. I had drifted off into my own little world. Then I noticed the sun was starting to go down.

I got up out of bed and went up to the door in my room. I went to turn the knob and surprisingly someone had left the door unlocked. I opened it up and saw no one, I walked down the hall and went into the living room and saw Jax sitting there reading out of a binder, and smoking a joint. I knocked on the wall.

"Where's Hap?" I asked, figuring that he would be here to look after me, and having not seen him since I arrived, I wondered if he was angry with me. Jax closed the binder quickly, and put out the joint in a nearby ashtray.

"He still had a few things to take care of, he'll be here soon. I came to relieve Gemma and Sack." Jax said looking up at me. I walked over and sat next to him. "Oh… Well I'm sorry to intrude on you like this, and uh, interrupt whatever it is you were doing." I said looking down and twiddling my thumbs once again this week out of nerves.

"It's okay." He said. "So why are you up here VP, don't you have anything better to do than being up here watching after a junkie?" I asked looking up at him with curiosity sparkling in my eyes. "I just kind of needed to get away myself. It's nice up here, quiet." He said looking back at me.

And suddenly I felt the tingle of attraction, lust inside of me. Like butterflies in my stomach. I felt like a teenager again. I haven't felt much of anything in a long time, and this is the first thing to spring up? I'm barely a week sober.

Well isn't this just fucking great?


	4. Chapter 4 - Vulnerable

**This Life 04**

I was speechless, staring into Jax's mesmerizing blue eyes. Then the moment I am having with him is cut short by the sound of the front door opening and closing. Jax immediately jumped up, grabbed his gun off the coffee table and poked his head out around the corner to see who it was.

He turned back around putting his gun in the back of his pants. "It's just Hap" He said walking over and sitting back down. Happy came rushing in the room. "Where is she? She wasn't in the room." Happy said looking worried. I gave him a small wave with half of a smile on my face. He sighed with relief.

"She just came in here looking for you." Jax said. I stood up and walked over to my brother before he could say anything and I wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back which almost surprised me, and we stood there for a second.

Then I let out all the emotions I had hidden in the pit of my soul, and I cried. The tears ran down my face, and I let out a soft sob, as I buried my face into Happy's chest.

"I'll give you guys a minute." Jax said as he got up and left the room, and I heard the back door of the house open and close.

Happy squeezed me even tighter. We stood like this for what felt like forever, and eventually the tears stopped falling and I leant back to look up at my brother. "Common, let's take you to bed" Happy said to me with empathy in his eyes.

And we dropped our embrace and we walked down the hall. Happy led me into the bedroom and I curled up in the bed suddenly feeling exhausted. Happy laid a blanket out on top of me. "I love you Happy. I'm so sorry." I said and I felt tears start to fill up in my eyes.

"Shhh Harper, I love you too. Get some sleep. We will talk in the morning." Happy said, I'm sure not wanting to have his baby sister cry anymore. I nodded and sniffled. Feeling like a small child once more. He got up to leave. "Wait, Hap. Please don't go. Please. I don't want to be alone."

He nodded. And sat at the end of my bed. I was thankful. I needed my brother. I needed him to protect me, not just from the evils out in the world, but from the evils inside of my mind as well. I grabbed his hand, and gave him the best smile I could manage. 

* * *

I woke up to laughter. I blinked open my eyes and saw Half Sack at the doorway laughing his head off. "Oh Happy, who knew you were such a cuddler! A cuddly killer!" Half Sack said in-between giggles. I looked down to the end of my bed to see Happy curled up flipping Half Sack off.

"You better watch what you say Kip. Or you'll have no balls left. I'll show you exactly what kind of killer I am." Happy muttered obviously still half asleep. I started to laugh myself as Half Sack practically sprinted out of the room after Hap said that. And with that, I was awake and got out of bed.

I stretched out my body as I walked out of my room and down the hall but stopped before I got to the kitchen. I heard hostile voices coming from the kitchen, and I made the voices out as Jax and Gemma speaking.

"What are you doing here, Jax? You have to go see your son." Gemma said sounding very concerned. "I can't Ma…" I heard Jax say. He sounded sad. "Why? He'll break your heart? It's called being a father, Jackson." Gemma retorted.

"For how long? A day? A week?" Jax said sounding a little angrier this time. "You know, you were born with that same heart defect your little brother had, and you seem pretty sturdy to me. I've been through hell, landed on my feet. Your father was hit by a goddamn semi, dragged 178 yards. And that bastard lived for two more days. Teller's do not die easy."

At this point I was eavesdropping and I knew it. But I couldn't walk away, and I definitely couldn't intrude. I was learning so much about this man who was capturing my heart-strings from Gemma's words. Gemma was his mother? He had a son? I realized I know absolutely nothing about him.

"No, we just die bloody." I heard Jax say with almost a humor to his voice. At this point I decided to just walk in the kitchen like I heard nothing. I walked right to the coffee maker, grabbed a mug from the cupboard above it, and poured myself a cup.

I looked over to see Gemma shaking her head at Jax, they were both sitting at the kitchen table. Jax all of sudden got up and walked out of the back door in the kitchen and went on the porch. Gemma then got up and walked right past me and went down the hall.

I just shrugged my shoulders and took a seat the table. I drank my coffee in silence, until Happy finally strolled into the kitchen scratching his head, still looking half asleep. "Sleep well?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"Oh you bet." Happy said obviously being sarcastic, he grabbed a cup of coffee and took a seat at the other end of the table.

"You didn't have to stay with me the entire night, ya know? But I really do appreciate it, Hap. You're a good brother" I said trying to repair this broken relationship between us.

"I know I am." He said with a slight chuckle. "Harper… what, uh, are your plans after this?" Happy said, looking almost afraid to ask. "Well, uh, I'm not really sure. I've kind of been taking it day by day, like they say, ya know? I was kind of hoping to just stick by you? I mean my landlord probably has an eviction notice waiting for me on the door of my trailer. I haven't paid rent in… I can't remember how long." I said, fidgeting as I spoke.

"I just… I am not sure if I trust what you say Harper. We've been through this before, the lies, the fake promises you never intended to keep. But I think maybe coming back with me to Charming is a good idea. I can keep an eye on you that way." Happy said to me. I nodded my head.

I understood what he was saying. We have been through this before. I've done a lot of wrong. Happy's phone rang and he stood up and walked into the other room to take the call. I got up, put our cups in the sink and went out the back door.

I saw Jax leaning over the railing of the porch. I walked over to him and leant over the railing next him. "Hey" I said casually. "How much did you hear earlier?" He said. I noticed his was smoking a joint. I pointed at it, and he passed it over like the gentleman I knew he'd be. I took a hit and said "Honestly? I was snooping. I heard a good bit."

He smiled, took the joint back and took a hit. Then Happy walked out. "Clay needs us, Gemma said she wanted a ride back. You coming? Or should I take Half Sack?" Hap said. "Just take the Prospect. Tell Clay I'll ride out tomorrow. I'm just not ready yet." Jax said not even looking at Happy, while passing me the roach.

I took it and smoked the last bit before putting it out. I walked over and gave Happy a hug. "You going to be okay with him Harper?" Happy asked staring Jax down. I chuckled. "Yeah. I'll be fine, plus I'll give you a call if anything goes wrong in any way." We parted and he walked back inside.

I walked back over to Jax and smiled up at him. We heard Happy's bike and a vehicle pull out of the drive way. "So Jax, what, uh, do you like to do in your free time?" I asked, trying to come up with some sort of casual conversation.

He just smiled back down at me, and I thought my heart might stop beating. I thought about the fact that he probably has this effect on every girl he meets. Suddenly, Jax grabbed me by the back of my head, and pulled his lips to mine.

It took me a moment to process what was happening. But I reacted and kissed him back. I felt his tongue run over my bottom lip, asking for permission. I let his tongue enter, letting the kiss take a more passionate road. He lifted me up by the waist and place me on top of the railing. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and my arms around his neck, grabbing a fist full of his hair.

I think both Jax and I are very vulnerable right now. I think we both just need to feel some love. I think the shit going on in both our lives, whatever may exactly be going on in his, just brought us down to a level so low we both wanted to feel alive. I think this is why I gave him the signals, and that's why he kissed me. He came to this cabin to escape his life, and I came to this cabin to restart mine. Neither one of us anticipated the other. But it's happened and we're here.

He just better hope Happy doesn't find out.

**WARNING: next chapter will contain explicit material for mature adults only  
**


	5. Chapter 5 - Lust

**This Life 05**

**Warning****: This chapter contains explicit material for mature adults only.  
****Writer's note****: This was actually a very hard chapter for me to write, and I apologize for it taking so long. I've thought of this moment in my head time and time again ;) , but finding the right words, actually writing them down and trying to have every detail perfect was a challenge to me. I hope I did well! Enjoy!**

The next thing I knew I felt Jax's hand go up my shirt grabbing a handful of my perky breasts as he trailed kisses down, from my lips to my neck. I want him. That's all that I could process, it's all I knew in this moment.

So I hopped off that railing, kissing him hard on the lips, my hands still around his neck and we walked backwards heading towards the back door to get inside the house. Finally his back hit the door, hard. I bit his lip, and I knew it turned him on that much more. I could feel it, hardening up against my leg.

He opened the back door with a free hand of his, and he picked me up once more with my legs wrapped around his waist, and he carried me back like that to the bedroom not being able to keep our lips apart.

Finally we were to the bed and he laid me down on it. He pulled away from our kiss and looked down at me, smirking. I leaned up and pulled off his kutte letting it fall to the floor, and I started to undo the button on his pants. He kicked off his shoes, and pulled his shirt over his head.

I paused for a second, after Jax's button and zipper had been undone and I looked over this beautifully sculpted man. So broad, so toned, so perfect. I knew he was looking at me checking him out, I felt his ego growing but I just couldn't help it.

My eyes finally met his and he pulled my top over my head, he leant down and unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them with my underwear off my legs. He then finished taking off his jeans and underwear and crawled on top of me, kissing me passionately.

I couldn't help but feel that excitement in the pit of my stomach, but at the same time I was starting to feel unbelievably nervous and self-conscious. I think he could tell because he pulled apart from our kiss, put a hand on the side of my face, and smiled at me.

That smile just melted my heart. He leaned over and reached his hand into his pants pocket, he pulled out his wallet and pulled a condom out of it. While he was putting that on, I unhooked my bra, and shrugged it off my shoulders.

Within a flash he had the condom on and back to kissing me. I wrapped my legs around his waist giving him permission to enter, and I gasped as he did. I was thankful for his size. Glad his body wasn't just him trying to overcompensate for the size of his penis.

He pulled away from our kiss and smiled when he heard my gasp, I couldn't help but smile back. He started a rhythm with our bodies and I couldn't help but moan. He bowed his head and I took in his scent. It was musky, a mixture of oil and cologne.

I ran my fingers through his hair, and I leant up and whispered in his ear in the most seductive voice I could manage "I want to go get on top." And he rolled over, landing me right on top, never disconnecting us.

I liked being in charge, I might be a freak that way. Of course the macho "I want you now" and he takes you thing always gets me. But there's nothing like being in charge of your own orgasm.

I started out riding him slow,and sensual. I heard him moan, hearing and feeling him get even more excited turns me on so much. I sat straight up with perfect posture, pushing my breasts out, and I felt his calloused hands reach up and grab them. I closed my eyes, and I got lost in him and this moment.

It felt like a lifetime flew by this way, us being lost in each other. I started to ride him harder and harder. I started to feel that sensation, a feeling of unbelievable pleasure. I never wanted it to end. "I'm close" I said in almost a whisper. He flipped me over in a flash, and started pounding into me. Making me moan as loud as I could.

"Don't stop, don't stop. I'm there" I yelled, and a mind-numbing sensation came over me. I arched my back, and just let him have all of me in that moment. Then I felt complete relaxation, a weight lifted off my body. Jax started to slow down and I knew he had gotten there too.

When all was said and done. There were no words, he stared down at me. He planted a sweet kiss on my lips and moved the lay next to me. He wrapped an arm around me, and pulled me to him so I curled up against him, with my head on his shoulder.

"You know that was the first orgasm I've had in years" I said, with a big smile on my face. He looked down at me like I was crazy. "Really?" He said sounded shocked. "Can't orgasm when you're on heroin." I said with a shrug.

"You know you are so beautiful when you smile." Jax said smiling down at me, with that cocky little smile of his. I rolled my eyes at him. "I bet you say that to all the girls." I said, attempting at being stern but it's really hard even being a little upset during pillow talk.

"Shhh Harper" Jax said, and then kissing me. Shutting me up completely.

What I wouldn't give to live in this moment forever.


	6. Chapter 6 - Resources

**This Life 06**

**Writers Note: I'm going to start leaving a link in every chapter where I mention an outfit. :) I love it when I find stories with those so here ya go this_life_chapter/set?id=140437168**

After a while of just lying there enjoying each other's company, reality came to surface after we had realized how much time had passed. "I'm going to shower" I said as I got off the bed and out of his warmth. 

"Can I join you, darlin'?" Jax said with a seductive smile. I turned around and looked at him, just now noticing how completely naked I was. I crossed my arms covering my breasts. "Don't be bashful now, too late for that" He said, that smile still on his face. 

"I don't even know your last name." I said, starting to pick my clothes up off the floor. "Teller." He said simply. "Cute, but that wasn't the point. There is a lot more than your last name I don't know. I don't know who you are, I don't know a single thing about your club. I don't know what kind of life you live. Hell, you could have a girlfriend… and you don't know me either." I said and walked into the bathroom. 

I turned on the water, waited for it to get hot and got in. I stood there for a minute, letting the hot water relax every muscle in my body. 

I was lost in the emptiness that was my mind in this moment. It was peaceful, not a worry or a care in the world. Just the feeling of the water beating against my skin. 

Suddenly the curtain opened, my eyes opening with it, and Jax was there. "So let's get to know each other than" Jax said as he got in and pushed me against the wall in the shower. 

* * *

I was blow drying my hair with a hairdryer I found under the sink in the bathroom. After our shower together, Jax had disappeared. 

My feelings weren't hurt. I knew better than that. Plus I barely had any emotions now, let alone to invest them in a guy I barely knew. 

After I finished with my hair, I went and through the towel wrapped around my body in the hamper and pulled some clothes out of my bag. I put on the essentials, along with a pair of frayed jean shorts and a Ramones t-shirt. 

I grabbed my purse, and walked back into the bathroom. I pulled my eyeliner and mascara out of my purse. I applied the simple make-up and it felt nice to put some on again. To feel pretty. 

I looked at myself in the mirror and barely recognized the girl looking back. I haven't seen her in such a long time. She had color to her cheeks, and a shine to her eyes. I smiled at her, I smiled at me. 

I felt proud, I felt confident. I felt alive for the first time in ages. I strutted my ass to the kitchen and grabbed a beer out of the fridge. 

I popped open the top of the beer and took a sip. I walked into the living room and saw a record player. I flipped through a few records and decided to play whatever was already in it. 

I turned it on and placed the arm on a random track. Bob Dylan's song "Don't Think Twice, It's All Right" played. I was actually very thrilled. I didn't expect a song I know and love to play. 

I kicked back in a lounge chair and pulled a joint out. I lit it up and went back and forth between taking hits from it and taking sips of a beer for a while, completely relaxed. 

Once my beer was empty, and the song was over I put out the roach, got up and once I turned around I almost jumped out of my skin. Jax was leaning against the door frame. 

"You scared the shit out of me." I said, holding my hand over my heart. "Happy called, they'll be back in an hour or two." Jax said. "Oh, okay cool." I shrugged. "You want a beer?" I asked walking past him and into the kitchen. "Yeah, sure" He called after me. 

I threw my empty bottle in a recycling bin and grabbed two more beers out of the fridge. When I walked back into the living room Jax was sitting on the couch. I sat next to him and propped my feet up on the coffee table. 

I passed him the beer and popped mine open and took a sip. He did the same. "You want to talk about it?" I asked Jax. "Talk about what?" He said raising an eyebrow at me. 

"You know what I'm talking about. I know you're hiding from something or someone you don't want to face, but you don't have to talk about it. Just figured I'd offer, since I really have no room to judge anyone, and it's really not good to bury your feelings. Trust me." I said picking at the label on the beer bottle. 

I heard Jax sigh, and took a big gulp of his beer. "My son was born 10 weeks premature because his mother is a junkie and used while she was pregnant. He was born with half a stomach and the genetic heart condition I have, my mother has, and my younger brother died of. The doctor that did the surgery to save his life is my ex-girlfriend, and we kind of hooked back up for a minute there, until she got what she wanted from me and she bailed." Jax said not meeting my eyes. 

I leant my head against his shoulder. "What a cunt" I said, and I would've sworn he was smiling. "Jax, you should go back and be with your son." I said. 

He nodded. "I know." We sat there in silence for a while just drinking our beers. "What's your story huh? How did you end up being prisoner to your own brother?" 

I laughed a little. "Honey, I don't think you have enough time to hear why I'm so screwed up." 

"Try me" He said and I knew I owed him for him telling me his story. 

"Well let's see. I don't know. When I was freshly 16 I started dating this guy, he was a couple of years older than me. He really fucked me up. He was a drunk and a crack-head. He ended up beating me, tearing me down emotionally, cheating on me, raping me, the whole nine yards. He introduced me to the world of drugs and after he broke up with me, I went nuts. I started sniffing dope with this new guy I was dating and within a month I was shooting up. I got addicted fast, and it's been like that ever since. I was afraid of the real world, I didn't want to come back to it, and eventually I couldn't. Or at least I thought I couldn't." I said staring up at the ceiling. 

Jax wrapped his arm around me and squeezed me tight. 

No words could explain the comfort we both felt. Saying our words out loud gave us some sort of release. We used each other well.


	7. Chapter 7 - Secrets

Chapter 7 - Secrets

**Writers Note: SO... I know it's been a LONG time since writing anything. I have no good excuses except for I had a child and sort of lost inspiration along the way? Anyways...**

By the time Happy and Half Sack pulled back up to the cabin Harper had retreated back to her "room" and passed out. The weed, the beer and her infatuation had all caught up with her and her brain needed to shut off.

Jax had been patiently waiting for Happy's return. As soon as Happy and Half Sack walked through the front door. Jax was there. "Sup brother?" Happy asked. Half Sack retreated to the kitchen for a drink.

"I think it's 'bout time I go see my son, man." Jax said. Happy nodded. "I get that, thanks for your help watching over Harper. I got a good feeling about this. She might pull through this time." Jax smiled at Happy offering him some encouragement but he knew better than to be optimistic about anyone especially a junkie. 

* * *

Harper awoke to the sun rising and the birds chirping. She made it through another day. She felt a light in her that she had thought for sure had dimmed out as she stretched and rolled out of bed.

Her door was officially unlocked for good now it seemed, not that she would've made it far on foot all the way out here anyways. Harper went out the front door and leaned against the house as she pulled a cig from her pack and lit it. Taking in the drag, she appreciated the sensations she hadn't felt in a long time.

The smell of the trees, the dew on the grass. She soaked it all in. She'd made it this far. She was no longer withdrawing she thought to herself with a smile.

But it isn't over. Staying clean is just about as hard as it is getting clean. She flicked her cigarette butt and retreated back inside and straight to the coffee pot.

Happy and Half Sack were passed out in the living room. She half wondered where Jax was, but she wasn't allowing herself to care too much. She knew better than that. There was definitely a connection there but they both had too much baggage to try and carry each others also. She knew better she kept telling herself. But she felt a twinge of pain in her heart because she knew he had left and that was that.

She contemplated telling Happy but what was there to tell? I had a one night stand with your clubs Vice President? Who probably went home to see his newborn son and one of his many exs waiting around? There was nothing to tell. Anything said would just cause more problems between her and Hap. She didn't need to fuck his life up anymore than she already had especially over a fling. 

* * *

By the time Happy woke up Harper was listening to old records and doodling in her journal. Happy smiled at this, having flashbacks to a simpler time when they were kids.

"You seem better" Happy said. Harper looked over at her older brother and saw the joy in his eyes.

"Yeah, I feel better. Like a person." She said back returning the smile. "So what's the plan here Happy? What comes after this?" She asked getting straight to business.

Happy sighed, realizing that the time was coming to send his little sister back into the real world, and he wasn't excited about it. He had to protect her in whatever way he could, even from herself.

"I talked to Clay and Gemma. They agreed to let you work in the shop as a secretary or some shit. Maybe a bartender in the clubhouse. Wherever they can put you because somebody needs to be watching over you. As far as the living situation goes, you will be staying with me. I just got a two bedroom apartment in the spirit of your return." Happy said with a stern voice.

Harper just nodded. She knew there was no way around this without losing her brother. "Sounds good to me big brother."


End file.
